Don’t Reject “Ugly” Feelings.
Repressing or ignoring certain challenging emotions—like jealousy, sadness, or anger—is always unhealthy, but it can do serious damage in the context of a relationship. We all have a ‘shadow’ side that embodies our darker impulses and emotions. Having compatible shadows is critical for long-term relationships because many shadows you can’t live with. don’t stay in an intimate relationship without going deeper to learn about and work out your differences.” In other words, the dark stuff’s going to come out sooner or later, so be smart and proactively address it.
Talk About the Tough Stuff Early.
It may not be the most romantic thing to do at the start of a relationship, but once things start getting serious, don’t be afraid to instigate conversations about difficult topics or feelings—the sooner, the better. Are you bothered by the way your S.O. still texts his or her ex? Do you hate how he hasn’t prioritized integrating you with their friends? Say it. Understanding the purpose of anger is important, as many people try to ignore or distance from it out of fear of upsetting the relationship, Contained anger builds until it overflows like a pressure cooker. By that time, it’s difficult to clean things up. Instead, talk with each other from the beginning—while the biochemistry of infatuation is still strong—about the things that are irritating, or else they will get worse.
It might sound rote, but one of the most basic things you can do to enhance your relationship’s EQ, regardless of your own emotional intelligence, is to actively listen to your partner so that you’re really taking in his or her words. This is important on an everyday basis, but especially when you disagree or are going through a difficult time. When a crisis hits, everyone will be stressed and tempers can flare more easily, so take time to openly share what you’re each experiencing. Listen to each other without judgment to allow the pouring of feelings from the body like water from a pitcher. The content is less important than the process of being heard without agreement or disagreement. Just listen without making any decisions or giving any advice. When you and your partner both feel that you understand and empathize with each other’s perspectives—even they’re totally at odds—it’s easier to feel calm and close during tough times.