1.You’re the “Dining Dead.”
The first time it happens, you think, “How nice, that we can just be quiet together.” But the 12th time you might experience a chill so subtle you blame it on the temperature in the room. Here you are, sitting together in a nice place and…having absolutely nothing to say to each other.
2.Instead of Hearing You Out, He Says, “We’ve Been Through This Already.”
No one in his right mind actually wants to argue. You know what’s more fun to do with your partner than to argue? Going to see the worst movie during a hailstorm. Eating under-cooked, badly seasoned experimental food. Almost anything, really. But in a healthy relationship, your partner will at least listen to what you are saying, rather than just focus on how annoying and repetitive the argument is. It might seem like he’s doing you both a favor by cutting your fight short—but it might also mean he just doesn’t care enough to figure out what you’re really upset about, or to work together toward a solution, so that, possibly, you won’t have to have the same annoying, repetitive, truncated argument next week.
3.You Know Way Too Much About Tosin, at Work
“So Tosin, at work, is having this really awful thing with her ex,” he says, a little too sympathetically. You nod, also sympathetically, because you know that Tosin has been having digestive problems and had to go gluten-free, and also that Tosin’s aunt with whom she was really close died last month, and…hold on. Why do you know so much about Tosin At Work? An overly enthusiastic friendship with a so-called work wife may not translate to actual nookie in the actual conference room—after all, you don’t mind him having female friends—but it could suggest that something is lacking from your relationship that he is looking for somewhere else. And he may not even know it himself. But when he seems to have more sympathy for the ongoing sagas of Tosin At Work than he does with your own various ordeals, that’s more than being a concerned colleague. That’s a “We need to talk” memo.