HOW TO RESPOND TO THE 7 MOST COMMON FUCKBOY PICKUP LINES
Catcalling is the basic bitch of trying to pick up girls. But just because you’re not getting yelled at on the streets by a stranger doesn’t mean you won’t run into some lame pickup lines while you’re at a bar or literally anywhere where bros hang out. They will try, and they will fail. If you get one of these terrible pickup lines tried on you, here’s the best way to respond.
1. Does Your Boyfriend Know You’re Here?
Ugh, this one is creepy and sexist and heteronormative, because he’s basically asking you if you’re single by implying you have a boyfriend. Now he expects you to either tell him you actually don’t have a boyfriend, which would sound like you’re into him, or tell him you do. Either way, whether you’re single or not has nothing to do with the fact that you wouldn’t want to date him anyway. Typical fuckboy, to respect a non-existent boyfriend more than he respects you. If he asks you this, just reply with another question, “Does your mom know you left your basement?” and don’t engage with him anymore.
2. If I Buy You A Drink, Are You Going To Ditch Me Right After?
He’s trying to get trigger the “I’m not like most girls” reaction, but you know better. If girls ditch him after he buys them drinks, it’s probably because he sucks. And he just saved you a shitty conversation by letting you know that. Tell him, “How about I buy myself a drink and you ditch this pathetic attempt to talk to me.”
3. What’s Your Sign?
This one is just bad game, and I’m not really sure if people actually ask this outside of bad sitcoms, but at least he’s not being a fuckboy. He’s probably just an awkward guy or a middle school boy, but if he’s cute and you want to talk to him, you can flirt back with him with something like “why, are you trying to steal my identity?” because you don’t actually want to talk about your horoscope sign. If he’s not, just tell him “whatever one’s least compatible with you”.
4. Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?
Cheesy pickup lines are for pickup artists, because if he was a normal dude he’d just say hi to you. No matter how charming he seems, he probably does this all the time. Just shove him and say “oh shit, my cover’s blown” and then run away.
5. I Usually Don’t Do This, But I Just Had To Tell You That You’re Beautiful.
He thinks that by giving you a compliment you already owe him something. Plus, any guy who says “I usually don’t do this” is really trying to say “this is what I do all the time”—just like how after every one-night stand you say “OMG I like, never go home with random people!” Just start freaking out and saying “I have NEVER heard that before, wow, that is crazy I can’t believe you just said that” as if this is the first time you’ve ever been complimented. Eventually he’ll get creeped out and leave you alone.
6. I Bet We’d Have Great Sex.
Online dating has made guys say dumb shit like this like it’s the new hello. It’s like, obviously you’d have great sex, because you’re just good at sex so all sex with you is great. That doesn’t mean you’re going to have sex with him. Just reply “Too bad I’m not into gamblers” and definitely watch your drink until he leaves.
7. You Must Be Tired, Because You’ve Been Running Around In My Head All Day.
Interesting, because you’re about to run away from him. Tell him, “oh you mean like this?” and run around him until he gets dizzy, then tip him over like a cow and walk away. That’s called a quick bar workout.