So you’re in a relationship that you’re not sure about. Don’t worry, there’s a whole MTV show named after the fact that it’s fucking hard to know who your soulmate is, so we don’t expect you to have all the answers. Obviously there’s no real way to know if you’ve found the one, but there are definitely signs that he’s not the one. Chances are if you’re asking to begin with, it’s probably not a good sign. Also not a good sign? The following list of things—if you match a few of these, chances are that just because you swiped right on each other, doesn’t mean you’re a real match.
1. He’s Jealous.
He doesn’t get excited for you when you succeed. You write it off as him just being too busy to care about your shit, but he could be insecure when you’re doing well. If he isn’t thrilled for you when you get a promotion or land a job you love, he’s basically negging your career. Chances are he’s jealous you’re doing better than him, and guess what? You’re only going to get more successful and he’s going to get more upset. You should be with someone that’s happy for you, not afraid you’re going to outshine him.
2. He Distracts You From Important Shit You Should Be Doing.
You’re not a teenager going through puberty anymore, if you’re getting so caught up in the relationship you’re losing sight of your goals, he’s not bringing out the best in you. A stable relationship should bring out the best in you and not distract you from shit you actually have to do. If you’re getting distracted by the relationship, something is probably missing that makes you feel insecure, otherwise you’d be able to focus on having a well rounded life. Think about your relationship like an open bar… if you’re constantly watching the clock, you’re not having fun. It should feel like it’s never going to end, not like you’re always in the last five minutes before last call.
3. He Only Talks About Himself.
Even if he’s an Olympic medal winner or a billionaire with a start-up, if he’s only interested in you because you’re interested in him, then you’re going to have a problem. Sure, he’ll probably make a great dad, but only because his kid is like one of his Olympic medals to him, a sign of his accomplishments rather than a human he actually wants to love. If he talks disproportionately about himself without asking you how you are, he’s not actually the right guy for you. You need more attention than an escaped snake in the zoo, and if he can’t give that to you, then you’re going to get away.
4. When You’re Together You’re Either Drunk Or Partying.
Sure it might be fun to hook up when you’re drunk, but if you’re spending the majority of a relationship blacking out and stumbling home together, you’re more in love with partying than you are with each other. You party with your friends, but you’ve also been to brunch with their moms, shopped for outfits together, and comforted each other when they’re going through a breakup. The man you’re dating should have as many merits sober as he does drunk, so if you’re not hanging out sober at all, then you’re probably not as compatible as you think.
Whenever you try to make a date or go somewhere together, things always fall through. You both chalk it up to being busy and successful, but you still manage to have time to watch dumb movies like Baywatch and go to spontaneous karaoke on a Tuesday night. Maybe it’s that you’re both trying too hard to fit a relationship mold that neither of you want, but whatever it is, your beach day/museum trip/romantic dinner plans keep getting pushed. It shouldn’t be this hard to keep plans, especially with someone you’re dating, so if you’ve had to reschedule a date more than three times, it’s a sign that neither of you are prioritizing each other.
6. You Still Think About Your Ex.
We all Facebook stalk our exes from time to time, but if you’re in a happy relationship you quickly forget about ghosts of fuckboys past. If you’re wondering what your ex is up to or have looked up his Instagram story more than three times this week, you’re probably reaching out to your past because you’re bored with your present. The guy you’re dating might just not be satisfying you totally, which is why you’re thinking about your exes and how he stacks up against them. Definitely not a good sign if you’re still thinking about your ex in a new relationship.
7. He’s Embarrassing To Take Out In Public.
Maybe it was his fault for wearing the wrong shoes to the club, or maybe he got too drunk and started arguing with the bartender, but instead of sticking up for him, you’re just embarrassed to be seen with him. This is usually a sign that you’re not a good match, or you’d be fawning over his dumb quirks like they’re Brigitte Bardot’s tooth gap. Imperfections in someone you love make you love them more, but his flaws just annoy you, which means you probably don’t love him as much as you think.